Sunday, August 14, 2011

Stop The Insanity.....HOLLYWOOD IMPORTANT PEOPLE LOOK HERE



Hear ye! Hear ye!  All of you Hollywood types listen up.  I know you are reading!  (a girl can dream)

There is a crisis afoot and only you can stop it.  When you are writing, producing, directing, or otherwise in charge of a television series, do not, I repeat, DO NOT write a cliffhanger ending to a season unless you know for a certainty that said series will actually be pick up for the next season.




Exhibit A- Firefly

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a movie out this one but big, fat, hairy, deal.  The TV series was better.  TV series allow the character to grow and change over time.  Not to mention the the movie killed off my two favorites faster than I could say "Hell no!".  This cancellation was pure torture to the faithful.  Badly done Hollywood People.  Badly done.


Exhibit B- Kidnapped

I have reviewed this one before here so I won't bore you with all the details but I will say this.  I have woken up at night wondering about the guy in prison.  Who exactly was he?  Do you really want that on your conscience Hollywood People.  I am a mom who works part time and homeschools her kids.  I need my sleep.


Here is the ending I made up:  Creepy prison guy is actually an alien from outer space and what seems like omniscience is really just technology we don't understand yet.








Exhibit C- Jericho

This one is kind of a nice story.  Network bites the big one and cancels what is a thoughtful, intelligent, well done series and leaves the fans hanging with a cliffhanger that rivals Woody in the mine shaft.  Fans rally and send truckloads a of nuts, a clever reference to the show, and Hollywood people relent and give a seven episode season 2.  Sigh.  But then season two ends in another cliffhanger and because it was only 7 episodes I hardly got to see my favorite characters at all.  Boo!  Oh, and before you comment about it, I know there is a comic book series now.  I read all of them.  First comic books I have read since I gave up Archie when I was twelve.  Oh, and the last one available (so far - I hope) ended in a cliffhanger.  I am not happy people.

Here is the ending I made up:  Creepy J&R guy is actually an alien from outer space and what seems like omniscience is really just technology we don't understand yet.


Exhibit D-  Survivors

Okay so technically this is a BBC production so strictly speaking,  I can't lay it at the feet of you Hollywood People, but everyone in entertainment knows each other.  Right?  So send them a memo.


This one is right up my apocalyptic alley.  A flu pandemic sweeps the globe and wipes out more than 99% of the population.  Those that survive have to figure out how to keep on doing so in a world they never expect to live in.  While I was viewing this I realized why I like this genre so much.  There was a scene where they were digging out some friends from a collapsed building and I thought "There is an episode just like this in Big Valley."  ****slaps forehead****  These apocalyptic tales are the modern day Westerns!  No wonder I like them so much.  You say Bonanza.  I say Jericho.

Here is the ending I made up:  Creepy  big pharma guy is actually an alien from outer space and what seems like omniscience is really just technology we don't understand yet. 


  Exhibit E- Flash Forward

And now we come to the real heart breaker.  Most of these others I discovered after the fact and knew what I was getting into.  This one I watched in real time.  I threw myself in with both feet.  I loved this show.  The cast.  WOW!  Amazing.  We had Joseph Fiennes for crying out loud.  Fiennes is a name that has called out at the Oscars!  Sure it was for his He Who Can Not Be Named, Nazi brother but Joseph is way better cause he has less bad guy baggage.  And Hollywood People, this was the cliffhanger to end all cliffhangers.  I actually screamed "NO NO NO NO NO!! YOU CAN"T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!" when the last show ended and that was BEFORE I knew you were leaving me that way forever.  I cried real tears when I found out it was done.  And yes I read the book and there were no answers there.  It is completely different.  My anger at you bubbles up into a frothy foam just thinking about it you Hollywood People.



Here is the ending I made up:  Creepy  conspiracy guy is actually an alien from outer space and what seems like omniscience is really just technology we don't understand yet.


So Hollywood People take note.  You are America's stories tellers and you are doing us wrong!  Do not start a story you can not finish.  

Rampage over.  Thank your for listening.



7 comments:

  1. Oh my gainers, this is the funniest thing you've written.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow - this is good! You ought to print it and send it to a Hollywood bigwig (who is actually an alien from outer space and what seems like poorly planned cancellations are really just technology we don't understand yet).

    Seriously - good read here!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had started to watch Kidnapped because Netflix recommended it to me as something I would enjoy. AND THERE'S NO RESOLUTION??? Thanks for tipping me off and saving me hours of frustration!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm with you!

    I still can't get back those months I wasted being so interested in LOST and where it was going...
    *sigh* curses on those dudes!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have to disagree about Jericho. I thought the writing was terrible, and the acting was even worse. The premise had promise, but for me it didn't deliver.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shauna- Thanks for commenting. We will have to agree to disagree though. I love it.

    ReplyDelete